dog eat god

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3/09/05---7:38 AM

I have decided to coast for a few months. I will take care of a dog in the tiny room in the sky, with the backyard, then dogsit again for my traveling neighbor and then summer and question mark. I don't really have enough money to rent an apartment, I haven't found a share that will take me or draw me in.

Once again I work for free hoping it will turn into something paid. I plant trees, vegetables, spend the day moving compost from one end of the yard until the other. My back aches in the morning as the chance to pay my bills becomes some thing that will happen in the future.

He says he can deal with the cancer, but not everything else that comes with the cancer. How do you separate the two? Are they not one in the same? I did my best, always.It was to the point where I felt any choice I made would be the wrong one and I would pay for it with insults, attacks, beatings that occurring with words. I am bereft. I am tired. I have no idea how to procede. I am so angry. I knew when he made the promise that he would always be there for me, would always help me even if our relationship was over was a lie. I saw in that moment that he would grow to hate me.

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