DOG EAT GOD

dog eat god

6/07/03---11:26 PM

I was 13 when I fucked a whole neighborhood of boys in Fremont. I was their Lolita whore for the long summer. Chuck taught me everything I needed to know in that summer, braces still on my teeth, bad skin. He taught me how to hot knife hash, swallow pills, drink whiskey, sneak out my bedroom window in the middle of the night and how to hold still while he rubbed against me and came in his pants.

Then when I was 16 got fucked by my boss who was 35. He would bring me home to his shitty apartment in Alameda, get me stoned and drunk and fuck me quickly in the dark while his waitress girlfriend would ring the bell, waiting for him to let her in. He would told me not to tell my friends, he could get in trouble, go to jail.

Later, I let some older guy pick me up in the restaurant where I worked after school. He was 34, but still with his mother in the Marina in San Francisco. After dinner and a bottle of wine, he took me to his mother's house. His was a shoe dealer and his bedroom was filled with women's shoes. He wanted to lick me and I let him. He didn't like eating pussy of older women because they were spoiled, they smelled bad, he told me.

There were countless other losers who used me. I thought this is the way to get a boyfriend, this is the way to make someone love me.

They say the around the age that you start drinking seriously, start taking drugs is where your emotional maturity is stuck. That makes me a 13 year old girl in a 38 year old body. I suppose that might appeal to some.

If I don't want to fuck you now, don't take it personally. I am sure you never had a young girl yourself. It is not that I don't care for you or feel attracted to you. It is that young girl that nobody was watching over, that didn't have a fucking clue about men or sex or love that I am worried about.