DOG EAT GOD

dog eat god

7/25/04---10:28 AM

I don't know why you brought it up. But then again why shouldn't you. It has been years for everyone else while I am stuck in a moment of time, rendered useless by cancer and depression, not moving at all.

Marriage. One time you may have mentioned it to me. I was running, thinking I could keep running forever. I was so caught up in basic survival, how to eat, live, pay the rent. You got over it, moved ahead, finished what you started. I imagine that side of you that liked intimate things, making dinner, sleeping in the same bed, having my toothbrush on the sink.

My life on the other hand is falling apart. I feel more alone then I have every felt but no more alone then I will feel in the future.

I don't know what it means. Why is it worth it. I am too much of a coward to kill myself but I know the thought comforts me. An end. My choice.